(i'm not that great, and i just want you to know that.)

have you ever felt offended when the most beautiful person you've ever seen said, "i'm not beautiful, there are so many people who are more than me."?

we all have our very own role model: singer, actor/actress, author, or anyone. yours can be your own parents, i have guessed. but do you feel offended when they say: "i'm not as great as you think."?

we all do admire, and have been admired. it's always been great to admire someone so great, but what is it like when you're admired instead?
you must be thinking: "what the hell do they admire in me?"

we must've been complimented in what we do at least once, even the smallest thing. for me i'm often loved for my drawing. and lately my decoration. i write, i draw, i study, i speak english; and they often say i'm doing great. but most times i deny their statement and say, "no, i'm not."

i write some stories and people love them and say that i've done great; meanwhile i think many authors do greater than me to the extend that i feel my works are nothing. i draw some sketches and people say they're cool; while i want to tell them that my skill isn't that great. i've been studying at formal school for over 13 years and people say that i'm smart; meanwhile i want them to know that i've failed at too many subjects for too many times. i write and speak in english and people say it's excellent; while i think that it's decreasing, and you can find so many grammatical errors just in this post.

but, saying those things out loud can be somewhat awful. when i tell them, i can see disappointment in their eyes. the look that says, "why don't you appreciate yourself?". yes i do, but i feel like i don't deserve those high compliments. but then i can't say nothing but a 'thank you'.

compliments trigger me to do so much better. i want to give those who support me something better, and more than they expect. compliments, and more likely criticisms, make me realize that i've done something; because people who don't get them never do anything from the first place.

survivor

"if you can survive SMA 8, you can survive elsewhere."


that quote (i can't credit anyone; my senior told me) is most likely true; though some people disagree with it. they say that in high school we had cram school, while in college we don't.

what we are talking about here is actually the daily routine. in SMA 8 we're used to work/study under pressure, thus that kind of circumstance is no longer a problem for us in college. some of my friends which didn't go to the same school with mine even shared about their lack of sleep and the pressure they got from lecturers; while i'm very used to it already. i (almost) never complain about the lack of sleep i've got just because it's no problem at all already for me.

see the difference?

Twitter is a big deal. yeah.

okay, i think you guys have noticed that in the last few days i made such a fuss on making a new Twitter account and i think you guys have read my reason too: 'a personal problem' (yeah, what a way to explain a reason). so, i want to explain a bit why i have to have 2 twitter accounts.


i started using Twitter over 2 years ago. at that time everybody (Indonesians) were still Facebook-addicts while i wanted to run away from it. my intention of making Twitter was to escape from reality. that's why when i started liking a vocal group (you know who they are, you name it) i talked about them a lot there.

but i couldn't expect other people to understand me.

many people think that what i've tweeted is what i am for real. heck, i made Twitter as an escapade from reality, that means it's not the real me. in reality i don't squeal, i don't faint, i don't die (yeah), i don't talk a lot about my opinion in same-sex relationship, and i don't curse so much. but real-life friends seem don't understand that. they unfollowed me (yes, i am bothered with that). at first i didn't really give a fuck until my college teachers started following me as well.

at college i am a sweet, quiet, passionate student. i'm polite, i'm studious although sometimes i fall asleep but it doesn't matter; a typical student every teacher loves. they don't know that i spazz a lot, and i want them to remain that way. i don't need ideas like '아피 doesn't like Writing homework', '아피 is sick with Korean Literature History', '아피 supports same-sex relationship and she actually likes them' and so on, goes into my teachers' brains.

what i've built in real life, stays in real life and what i've done on Twitter, stays on Twitter. but i can't expect everyone to understand me that way.

that's why i reactivated an old account of mine, just there i will do whatever i won't do in real life. in the account you know i will still talk about homeworks/daily life/Running Man, gossip, mock, and talk in indonesian/english/japanese/korean; that's what i've been doing in real life as well.

if you can't type correctly, don't work in a government institution. seriously.

because you might ruin a citizen's life in the future.

okay i decided to make this post after headdesk-ing and headwall-ing and facepalm-ing over government failure. well, it's not the entire of our government who's wrong, but i really hate the one who made this mistake i could hate this country until undecided time.

it all started when i was preparing for scholarship application and i have to copy my high school report cards, graduation certificate, and so on... also my family card ('Kartu Keluarga' in Indonesian; i don't give really a fuck to what it is called in English). and when i was about to copy it, i realized that they typed my name as NUR STURAYYA AFIFAH.

let me curse the hell out of me, guys.

WHO THE FUCK IS NUR STURAYYA AFIFAH, YOU BITCH.

in my citizen card, in my birth certificate, in my passport, it's all perfect NUR TSURAYYA AFIFAH and this little filthy asshole typed in my family card my middle name instead with STURAYYA. who the hell is that person in my family? like seriously.

my mom has to return that card to the Kelurahan (i don't even bother to translate that institution into English, just because) and being busy as she is (notice my sarcasm here) she should've done it long time ago but she hasn't. the card will be done at least in one week and i don't freaking have time.

i've been through this typo issue A LOT, in my lifetime. the most common mistake is 'Tsuraya' or 'Surayya', or 'Sorayya' (omg this one, i could say 'SOTOY!' to the one who wrote that). once a doctor wrote my name with 'Nur T. Surayya Afifah' just because she found the 'T' in the front of 'S' weird. shaking my head.

i used to don't really fuss over this typo because i know humans make mistakes, until today. i might drop this scholarship thingy, guys, that's how serious this failure takes me to.

typo is funny, yes i agree, only in causal way, only in the situation where people don't really give a fuck to it. in government institutions, all documents released out of them are stated as OFFICIAL. if all people in the government make typo then you can imagine how big chaos will cause.

and sadly, it's the citizens who should pay for the government failures.

a few things Indonesia has that Korea doesn't.

yeah guys, saya akan pergi ke Korea. masalahnya saya gak tau kapan. insya Allah bisa tahun depan atau 2 tahun lagi, kalau gak ya buat ambil S2. saya masih belom bisa ngelupain dunia art, dan mungkin saya bakal berusaha ngambil major ini lagi.

but for now let me think what i'll miss when i'm there already. sehebat apapun Korea (well, coughtheyarenoteventhatgreatcough) pasti mereka gak punya sesuatu yang Indonesia punya. apakah itu?

postingan ini dibuat semata-mata untuk mengingatkan kamu, Korea freak, bahwa Indonesia masih lebih super dibanding mereka. enjoy!

1. Korea gak punya kucing liar yang jinak.
dari teman-teman orang Korea saya yang pernah ke Indonesia dan makan di Kansas, mereka seneng banget ngeliat kucing-kucing Kansas yang jinak. mereka cerita kalau kucing liar di Korea yang kucing garong, kerjaannya nyolong makanan, ngorek sampah dan nyakar. mereka gak pernah bisa ngelus kucing kecuali peliharaan.
sebagai cat lady jelas ini gak bisa saya terima. bayangin, saya nantinya tinggal di dorm/apartment, gak boleh bawa peliharaan, dan lagi gak bisa ngelus kucing nganggur di jalanan. apa kata dunia?! Jabrik babeeehhhh, i'll be really really missing you :"(

2. di Korea gak ada yang naik atap dan jualan tahu sumedang di kereta.
like seriously, commuter line Korea adalah subway dan semua keretanya AC, gimana caranya naik di atapnya? Korean trains are plain boring. gak ada thrilling scene waktu ngeliat orang-orang turun dari atap pas kereta dari arah lain mau lewat, atau gory scene pas kereta jalan pelan-pelan sedangkan di pinggir rel orang-orang nontonin mayat abis ketabrak kereta. Indonesian commuter line rules!
apalagi saya bakal kangen sama abang-abang yang hobi mondar-mandir dan teriak "kua kua kua...". dan abang "hu tahu tahu...", abang "lengkengnya lengkengnya limaribu gak pake enamribu...", atau abang "sayang anak buku belajar mewarnai gambar limaribu tiga...". atau abang-abang baik hati yang bagiin buku atau permen jahe...sebelum dia balik lagi dan nagih duit dari permen yang udah kita makan. tukang jualan terlicik sepanjang masa.

3. di Korea gak ada cicak.
kalau kamu benci sama cicak, rejoice. di negeri ginseng-yang-bentuknya-kayak-jenglot itu gak ada yang namanya cicak, saya dikasih tau temen-temen saya yang ke Indonesia. mereka waktu itu cerita sempet gak bisa tidur gara-gara ada cicak di dinding kamar. mereka sampe nanya, "itu hewan apa? gimana cara bunuhnya? ada spray-nya gak?" setidaknya saya bisa berterima kasih sama makhluk ini karenanya saya bisa ngetawain kenorakan orang-orang itu.

4. makanan Korea gak variatif.
kita udah biasa makan Gudeg yang manis, Semur/Opor/Soto yang gurih, Rendang yang pedes nikmat, atau kue Satu yang rasanya ngeprul absurd. i can assure our cuisine's taste totally pawn theirs'. put aside health issue, kita bahas dari soal rasa aja. mulai dari yang simpel, soal Sate. kita punya banyak jenis sate, yang paling familiar adalah Sate Jawa (sate ayam) dan Sate Padang (sate sapi). bahkan soal sate pun mereka gak bisa ngalahin kita. tau kan nikmatnya saus kacang Sate Jawa? kebayang kan nikmatnya kuah Sate Padang? believe me guys, abang sate ayam yang kalian suka keliling kompleks kalian itu lebih jago dibanding tukang sate di pinggir jalan pasar Dongdaemun. belum lagi kalau ngomongin Pempek atau Ayam Goreng Penyet. Mas Roni, i'll be missing your ayam penyet :"(
dan satu lagi: GORENGAN. gak ada deh yang jual tahu goreng, tempe goreng, bakwan, singkong goreng, cireng, pisang goreng hanya dengan 500 sebijinya. gorengan Korea cuma ada sejenis tempura dan sejujurnya gak begitu menarik dibanding abang gorengan yang biasanya saya temui di depan gedung PSJ. GORENGAN RULES!
P.S.: hampir semua orang Korea yang di Indonesia komen kalau makanan Indonesia terlalu asin. maaf ya, tapi makanan lo yang terlalu hambar~

5. drama Korea gak ada naganya.
kadang sesuatu yang bagus terus-menerus bisa bikin bosen juga. sama halnya kayak drama Korea. hampir semuanya well-produced dan almost-flawless dalam sisi teknis, gak ada yang bisa kita ketawain. gak ada fail CGI effect atau tali sling yang keliatan, gak ada ibu mertua yang kerjaannya cuma melotot, gak ada tokoh antagonis yang setiap dia ngomong/ngejalanin kejahatan mukanya langsung di-closeup. jadi yuk guys, kita nikmatin aja sinetron Putri yang Tertukar sebelum Indonesia sadar akan kegagalannya dan bikin flawless sinetron, sebelum kita kehilangan hiburan yang sesungguhnya.

6. orang Korea gak bisa bahasa Inggris.
gak bisa lagi bilang "let's get this crap done!" seenaknya tanpa mengundang kerutan dahi atau tanda tanya; karena gak ada yang ngerti kita ngomong apa. dan kebiasaan aneh orang Korea yang mengubah kata asing jadi bahasa Korea, yang hasinya fail berat. contohnya: Facial Treatment adalah 패셜 트릿먼트, bacanya 'phaesyeol theuritmeontheu'. shaking my head. salahkan kurikulum mereka yang cuma punya grammar, listening, writing, reading, tanpa speaking.
senior saya pernah bilang, "cepetan ambil TOEFL sebelom English lo ancur."
yuk mari pake phaesyeol theuritmeontheu sambil tiduran dengerin myujik kenceng-kenceng dari spikheo.


yang bisa saya simpulkan sih: jangan pernah lupa sama bangsa sendiri, gak peduli sebangke apapun Indonesia. ada banyak nilai plus dari budaya kita yang hanya milik kita, gak ada bangsa lain yang punya dan ngeklaim punya. percayalah bahwa kebudayaan kita adalah yang terbaik dari dan hanya untuk bangsa kita.